to baptize

by Cayla Celis

You and I are of the same waters

And still I feel foreign, 

too distinct

From the world my parents lived in 

and left 

You and I knew the same god growing up 

And still the god you know feels foreign

I could never understand your written rituals,

Could never understand your fear of writhing snakes and your fear of the bodies we live in and your fear of her and her together 

And still

And still 

I want to understand.

I want to understand your fears 

And immerse myself,

Sink,

Into the depths of love you feel around your god,

Because you claim that despair has become foreign to you

Ever since you became one with them.

But there is nothing holy here,

There is nothing at all,

And there is nothing I can do except turn to despair

As you sink with me in pure bliss 

As I cry for something else to save me from this overwhelming nothingness,

As I call for something to make me understand 

Something I have no chance of understanding.

You and I will never understand each other

So why is it that I still want to be claimed by you,

Scum and all,

And return to the waters my parents lived in 

and left

Cayla Celis is a second year at UVA majoring in Mechanical Engineering and minoring in Biomedical Engineering. She hopes to work in the medical device industry in the future. In her free time she likes to explore Filipino media.