when the smoke clears
words by Cayla Celis, art by Ellie Nystrom
PUBLIC THOUGHT LOG DATA ARCHIVE → US → 2050 VIRGINIA FIRE → CAYLA F. CELIS
YOU ARE ACCESSING CAYLA F. CELIS
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2050 - 7- 25 16:00:00
38° 39'31.3452’' N | 77° 15' 28.5084'' W
CONSCIOUSNESS STATUS: AWAKE
i have to run. i have to try. the ashy air is thick, it’s barely nice inside. the-kids-are-in-the-car (they’ve-been-they’ve been there since everything charred); my-husband-is-war-torn-from-our-own-destruction; he wears on the worn-out front-seat car - kids - kids - are - in - the - car - and - Haley’s -inhaler - back-seat.
i told him i would be quick and i was sure i would be, but then the signals through my LINKER™ now has been weaker and weaker as time ticks and the haze and fog and daze make it hard for me to remember - SHIT.my-eyes-burn-with-everything-around-me;smoke is filling my lungs, the space between my eyes. keep MOVING keep MOVING but it’s hard. I NEED to i NEED to I NEED to - for my family - the ones still alive. Got to remember what Dad said, about that house, that house, where was it! I can’t sink, I shouldn’t sink into the flames, I shouldn’t let myself go but I’m tired and I need to stop but I can’t and now my feet are numb from running but I can’t and I can’t. Because I hear the news headlines - doomsday, doomsday, doomsday - all in my head and I keep seeing myself shut the front door for the last time and leave what was me, what was us behind. Remembering sweet and cold halo-halo and how it kept my mouth cold and chill and wonderful and god my mouth is so dry, hanging parols during Christmas when it was so wonderfully cold, and now everything i knew is gone-gone-gone. I’m moving and I can barely remember what Dad said, what he told me before he left the ground cold and his body black. It was an area off-shore, a secret paradise. my inheritance. I try to search my body for any source of cold and wind but there is nothing yet.
Then a b r e e z e
Oh, it feels s p l e n d i d.
My LINKER™ confirms that i am near a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL sea, untouched, pure, so pure, no heat, sand soft under my shoes.
I can’t see the house - our sanctuary - from here - perhaps it’s further out huh is there something to float?
I guess I can swim out - I’m a good swimmer.
Ooh the water is coollllllll, how wonderful. It is so nice feeling the water dripping down my arm, embracing me like I am it and it is me, as I lift and pull myself. Pull, kick, pull, kick. It’s entrancing. I like it.I like it very much.
Haley would like it here. Haley would like it here very much.
Haley. Haley! Haley - she’s in the car, not here but there, with her inhaler in the car, oh Haley, Haley - just how long have I been swimming? For a while - am I getting ANYWHERE at all?
Oh.
There is nothing but sea.
There is nothing else.
There is nothing here.
Oh god there
is
Nothing
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2050 - 7- 25 17:00:00
LOCATION IS UNKNOWN
CONSCIOUSNESS STATUS: UNKNOWN
