in death, for life

words by Wendy Gao, art by Angeline Phan

I looked over my shoulder

on the way home

to see if you were there

it must’ve been the wind

which are just sighs from heaven

anyway.

memories unfold like petals

you loved me, I loved you not

doomed from the start

the priest said it was unrequited

so did the autopsy.

now we’ve reached the end

and all my elegies

sound like vows

life did us part

but I am chained to you in death

I turn my back

only to find you in the mirror

living life without you is dying with you—

part the clouds

like lips before they said “I do” and

curse me in holy matrimony.

I exhaled myself out of my bones

split in two

my spirit tried to run

leave behind a body touched by yours

a future without the past

let me go

you won’t let me carry you

anyway

you’ll be my ghost

I’ll be your prisoner

watch me dig my grave next to yours.

kiss my face

and turn me to gold

if I don’t forget you

will you forgive me?

make me pay

for the chips I cashed

I take thee as my sin

this is my solemn oath.